Day 99: Dear Abbey

(Mile 1512 to 1537, Porcupine Lake = 25 miles)

Not too long ago, a future thru-hiker wrote to me and asked an interesting question.  She is planning to solo hike the trail.  She has a steady significant other and gathered that I did, too.  How are we managing the relationship while I'm on trail?  She pointed out that there is nothing on this in the usual PCT trip planning information.  She's right as far as I can tell.  I am by no means an expert on the subject, and every relationship is different, but I thought I'd write about it in case there are others wondering the same thing.

Mostly, we have managed through his involvement with my trip.  In the prep stages, he helped me with the three things I dreaded most:  selecting electronics, packing out five months of food, and writing my leave of absence request.  He researched and  narrowed down my options for me when it came to electronics, was my packing partner for the twenty hours it took to do food, and was my chief editor and soundboard for my leave request.  Not to mention, he also simply put up with me as I planned and worried over every detail of the trip.

The only thing missing is a partner to share this with! Thankfully, I have Gumby!

My mate was (and is) also paramount when it came to logistics.  As you can imagine, there is much to be done at home while you are out here.  We opened a joint checking account with my trip money, and he is taking care of my finances while I am away.  Most bills are on autopay, but this also gives him funds to buy replacement gear, more food, and cover shipping costs.  All of my mail is forwarded to him while I am gone.  He is also my package person, my emergency contact, and my care package and trail angel coordinator.  I know, I owe him

The packages have proven to keep us most closely connected.  There is always something to add or change, and we are constantly in contact about it.  Packages are a highlight of the trip for all hikers who use this method and, for me, even more so because on the top of nearly every box is a letter with a gourmet chocolate bar underneath it.  I treasure these letters.  They are anything but the ho-hum ordinary, and through them, I have gotten to know a different side of a man I've loved. 

Communication, I think, is the most difficult part of maintaining a relationship.  Real letters are wonderful.  Phone calls are nice as are emails and texts, but service is sporadic at best and nonexistent for much of the Sierras.  I recommend getting a phone card with hundreds of minutes -- one of the only ways we could make contact in the Sierras was by setting up dates and times where I would call by pay phone.  At the end of each call, we'd set up the next phone date.  We'd talk business first, personal second.  If possible, we'd email business and then gloss over it to make sure we got enough time to actually talk.  We've sort of stuck to the phone date method, and we mostly talk when I am in town.  It is less frustrating than trying to catch each other spontaneously. 

So, my mate and I have made it work through his involvement.  That said, I think it's important to support your main support person, too.  I have a back-up shipper and additional emergency contacts.  I have other friends helping me with my blog, rounding up resupply items, and assisting with errands I can't complete from here.  I try to send letters or postcards as often as possible.  It is hard, being this far away for this long, but I try to be supportive from here.  This trip may be my life, but everyone else has their own going on, too.

And, in all, it has been working.  We have both said that we feel closer now than before, not despite the time and distance, but really, because of it.  It isn't always easy, but relationships never are.  Five months aren't long in the grand scheme of things.  Though they certainly feel like it right now!